Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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