What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
