sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
