been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
