she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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