What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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