At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
