I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Houston, we have a squirter
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
