Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
