??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it was like eating out sand paper
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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