just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
