i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
