im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
