I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
