I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
