even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
