Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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