By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
