I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
