Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
