Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I would ride that face into the sunset
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
