Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
