i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
