i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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