oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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