my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
