she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can't put those talents on a resume
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
