All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
