put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
