Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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