Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
