ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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