I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was like getting head from an anaconda
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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