my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When are your genitals available?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
