I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
