Your face is a jimmy john
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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