I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
