Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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