there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
