Already got asked if we're dating
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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