I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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