i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
