Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
