I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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