Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
