just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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