idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
