Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
