Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
