I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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