If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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