You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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