I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
