So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
