He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
